hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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