Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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