I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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