I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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