Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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