from now on my penis is your penis
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
