yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
