She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
