There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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