I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
