He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
