so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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