Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
