Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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