Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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