Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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