Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
