Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
