In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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