i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
