hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
