conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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