You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
