If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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