dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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