you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
