I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
