He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
