i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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