I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
