the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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