I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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