she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
