Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
