Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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