i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
