rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
