hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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