He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
