How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
MIDGETS
????
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
