4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
