My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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