I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
