Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A+ Viking dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
