What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
