She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
