Only a mothe r could love this liver
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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