Don't make out with my wife yet
my phone needs a breathalizer
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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