fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
