she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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