Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
