If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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