I wanna passion pit in your ass
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
