Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
