...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
