I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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