Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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