Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
