Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
